The Current Situation
So. I moved out of our house (which he now refers to as his house) two months ago. Since the day I moved out, S. (which, in my mind, now stands for "Shithead") and I have not spoken. Not once. He refuses to talk to me, and he's changed his phone number. (In my opinion, this was not the smartest move--the dentist called me at work trying to track him down when he missed an appointment. I told them I could care less if every tooth in S.'s head fell out at this point. O.K., not really--I only wish now that I had told them that. At that point, I was still trying to be a nice person, and I gave them his work number.) We exchanged a few e-mails at the beginning, but he stopped responding to my e-mails about a month ago. Now, all of our "communication" happens through our attorneys.
I really need to emphasize how absurd this is, and, as will become a recurrent theme here, not the smartest move on S.'s part. Because you see, he is paying his attorney God knows how much money per hour to draft these stupid letters to me, and I'm paying my attorney . . . nothing. My attorney is an aquaintance of mine from college, and he's not charging me anything. (Of course, he's not doing much either--more on that later.) The thing is, we have almost no assets to fight over, there are no kids involved, and I have been nothing but reasonable in my dealings (such as they may be) with S. SO FAR. It is completely stupid of him not to deal with me directly. But I am learning more and more each day how immature he really is, how emotionally stagnant, how--I almost hate to say it--intellectually challenged. One of the things that attracted me to S. in the first place was that I genuinely thought he was a smart guy.
He's not that smart. And he's not that strong. And he's got a hard road ahead, because I am ready for a fight. It's a fight I didn't want. I still don't want it. But I am ready.
One of the tasks ahead of me today is a perfect example of the inanity I'm dealing with. I have to figure my taxes. Of course, everyone has to do that--but not very many people have to do it with no idea what their spouse's filing status is. I have tried repeatedly to get S. to tell me what his filing intentions are. I've sent numerous e-mails, and I finally faxed a letter to his attorney requesting this information. And I've heard--nada. It's perfectly ridiculous.
A couple of weeks ago, I called the IRS, and what they told me was not encouraging. If S. files as "married filing separately" (which I have to assume he's doing), and he itemizes, then by law I have to itemize as well. If he itemizes, I'm sure he's planning on claiming all of the mortgage interest and taxes on the house. And I can claim . . . nothing. And I lose my standard deduction as well. I'm screwed.
How can he do that, you ask? Well, here's the part where I was not smart, before and throughout the marriage. He bought the house himself, while we were dating. I moved in six months later, and we proceeded to live there for five and a half years, with me paying half the mortgage the whole time, and contributing to improvements. And--here's the stupid part--we never put my name on the deed or mortgage. So, technically, the house is his, and the mortgage interest and taxes are his to claim.
At least, that's how I understand it now . . . but it doesn't seem very fair, does it? Of course, a lot of things in divorce aren't fair, but this seems a bit much, at least to me. And so, I'm meeting with a tax attorney on Tuesday to see if I have any recourse. It's my belief right now that S. has put a moratorium on communication with me until after Tax Day, in order to pull off his little scheme outlined above. I'm going to do everything in my power to thwart it.
To that end, I'm going to prepare (but not file) my taxes today as "married filing separately" and claim my standard deduction. Then I'll see what the attorney has to say on Tuesday.
But my reasoning is, I don't know for sure that S. is itemizing--he won't tell me. So, when I prepare my taxes, why should I assume that he is, when that situation would only hurt me?
Just because that is his intention--to hurt me--doesn't mean I have to let it happen.
I really need to emphasize how absurd this is, and, as will become a recurrent theme here, not the smartest move on S.'s part. Because you see, he is paying his attorney God knows how much money per hour to draft these stupid letters to me, and I'm paying my attorney . . . nothing. My attorney is an aquaintance of mine from college, and he's not charging me anything. (Of course, he's not doing much either--more on that later.) The thing is, we have almost no assets to fight over, there are no kids involved, and I have been nothing but reasonable in my dealings (such as they may be) with S. SO FAR. It is completely stupid of him not to deal with me directly. But I am learning more and more each day how immature he really is, how emotionally stagnant, how--I almost hate to say it--intellectually challenged. One of the things that attracted me to S. in the first place was that I genuinely thought he was a smart guy.
He's not that smart. And he's not that strong. And he's got a hard road ahead, because I am ready for a fight. It's a fight I didn't want. I still don't want it. But I am ready.
One of the tasks ahead of me today is a perfect example of the inanity I'm dealing with. I have to figure my taxes. Of course, everyone has to do that--but not very many people have to do it with no idea what their spouse's filing status is. I have tried repeatedly to get S. to tell me what his filing intentions are. I've sent numerous e-mails, and I finally faxed a letter to his attorney requesting this information. And I've heard--nada. It's perfectly ridiculous.
A couple of weeks ago, I called the IRS, and what they told me was not encouraging. If S. files as "married filing separately" (which I have to assume he's doing), and he itemizes, then by law I have to itemize as well. If he itemizes, I'm sure he's planning on claiming all of the mortgage interest and taxes on the house. And I can claim . . . nothing. And I lose my standard deduction as well. I'm screwed.
How can he do that, you ask? Well, here's the part where I was not smart, before and throughout the marriage. He bought the house himself, while we were dating. I moved in six months later, and we proceeded to live there for five and a half years, with me paying half the mortgage the whole time, and contributing to improvements. And--here's the stupid part--we never put my name on the deed or mortgage. So, technically, the house is his, and the mortgage interest and taxes are his to claim.
At least, that's how I understand it now . . . but it doesn't seem very fair, does it? Of course, a lot of things in divorce aren't fair, but this seems a bit much, at least to me. And so, I'm meeting with a tax attorney on Tuesday to see if I have any recourse. It's my belief right now that S. has put a moratorium on communication with me until after Tax Day, in order to pull off his little scheme outlined above. I'm going to do everything in my power to thwart it.
To that end, I'm going to prepare (but not file) my taxes today as "married filing separately" and claim my standard deduction. Then I'll see what the attorney has to say on Tuesday.
But my reasoning is, I don't know for sure that S. is itemizing--he won't tell me. So, when I prepare my taxes, why should I assume that he is, when that situation would only hurt me?
Just because that is his intention--to hurt me--doesn't mean I have to let it happen.
posted by flipper at 11:10 AM
3 Comments:
As far as the house goes....you can fight to get your money back but good luck. I paid 2/3 to 100% of the mortgage payments on the home we lived in for 4 years. And it was a marital home...one we purchased together and we were both on the title. Because he paid the down payment before we were married...I don't get my money back. I can try to fight it...but it's supposed to be a killer battle.
It sucks. I totally understand what you're suffering through.
OH...I forgot to add...file first, file first!! If it's important to you, anyway. One of the things I've learned is that it's crucial to pick battles you think are really worth fighting. Obviously SH will pick all battles...and if you engage in every one...you'll exhaust yourself.
Jenn--you're right about picking battles, but this is one I feel I have to dig my heels in over. I've already agreed to forego all of the passive appreciation on the house, so this is really the ONLY battle.
Our financial situations (S.'s and mine) are very different. The reason he was able to put a down payment on the house was because his dad gave him the money. All of it. Oh, and his dad gave him a practically new car--twice. Also, his parents paid for his college education. All of it. Oh, and the furniture that is still in "his" house? All of it was purchased by his mother or me.
I, on the other hand, put myself through college and graduate school, and have substantial debt from that. I also bought a (used, practical, reasonably priced) car last year, so I have that debt too.
But he thinks it's a good idea to try to screw me over on a couple thousand dollars (I'm guessing) in taxes.
I just have to fight it. It's the principle of the thing.
Still not as bad as your situation though. I can't tell you how angry I got reading about The Idiot's . . . OUTRAGEOUS (there's no other way to say it) demands.
I definitely understand the feeling of "What was I thinking marrying this person in the first place??!!"
Hang in there, and thanks for the advice.
Post a Comment
<< Home